Mystery of Love

Life is too short to pretend that we don't care about people.
Most of the time, it's too easy to just bury each other under the rocks of indifference.
Everyone needs love.
We all need someone. 

Snow falls

Imagine all of the people in your life melting away. Picture yourself alone with the quiet night and fragrant pine, and the desolate cold, hard earth for company.

Do you feel empty & afraid or filled to the brim with wonder & warmth?

The most satisfying feeling is being alone with oneself and realizing that you could not be happier with anyone else. A grateful heart and a beautiful soul make everything better. 

I have loved you for the last time

The chasm between space and time collects the pain of all past love. 

Out of Sight, 

Out of Mind,

Non-Existence,

Exists.

Quelqu'un m'a dit...

It takes strength to be gentle and kind.

Please, don't forget about me. 

My heart often swells with a sweet, delicious substance that can quench fires that are lit for eternity. This blessing can grow heavy when it is not regularly poured off. I wonder if this is a dangerous state to remain in for an extended time. It compels me to, sometimes, pour this precious gift in to individuals who most certainly do not deserve it. Or perhaps they do deserve it, but not because of their feelings or actions towards me. I suppose that that it isn't necessarily bad. It's unselfish. But, there is often security in selfishness. One can't get hurt if they are motivated by selfishness. So, which is better? Security or vulnerability? Perhaps, it is security sometimes and vulnerability at other times. But, the hardest part is deciding at which times one should deploy these two dichotomous states of being. I wish to be more self-aware. I wish to make the right choices. It hurts sometimes. 

That is That & This is This.

I had to think a while. 

The Hardest Part

When you miss someone, it can feel as if the world is caving in, one grain of sand at a time.
But, perhaps, the most tragic notion of all... is that you'll never know your world as complete again, after the first grain falls. Do you start to wonder if you made the right choice? Have you ever felt a thing so deeply, in your soul, but not understand it completely? But, you act anyway without a moment to waste because you know that you can't live one more second with yourself otherwise? Is it fair? Can it ever be just? Perhaps, not. Not until someone else takes up the place that feels like a big gaping hole in your heart. You live with your mistakes until you're proven right. That's the hardest part. 

Are You Happy?

Is happiness found? Can it be lost? 

How do you know if you have it? 

All Apologies

A moment lost & a time forgotten.

Sounds crash against the roof of my mouth.
Utterances & groanings that have no beginning.
Lost in the expanse of The ForNever.

My lips are small and they part only for you.
You, wide-eyed child, you.
Speak your truth
As I fall back into place. 

I Summon You To Appear

Oh, where are you tonight?
The tingling in my fingers tell me that you're alright.
I know every way to say your name.
I know every sound it can make.
If you knew the things that spill out of my hands here, would you see things differently?
Would you picture my face when you think of the perfect woman?

These flightless worries and restless words haunt the spectre of who I used to be.

Always a Woman

She'll promise you more than the Garden of Eden.
Then she'll carelessly cut you & laugh while you're bleeding.
But she'll bring out the best & the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself because she's always a woman to me.

Now, they always say, "Congratulations."

When I think about how far I've come,

I wonder if the stars were aligned for me.
Or, did I fight destiny to rest here?

Either way, a lot of people didn't think that I had greatness in me. 

I always just laughed sweetly with my head down and thought, "Watch me & eat shit."

Turn other people's underestimation of what you can do into your greatest weapon.
Just, blow them all the fuck away with your grace and grit.
Then when you die, you'll die with a closed-lipped smile on your face and your middle fingers extended for eternity.  

There's always someone, somewhere, with a big nose who knows.

You ease my mind.

Ige tth ose goo sebu mps every time.
Lucky you, but... wait for it.
Drink this tea and mind my hips.

Hold Tight

I can almost always be found within the tiny schism between amusement and despair.
I think especially here.

Previously, I viewed this state as inconsistent and uncomfortable. But now, maybe I'm reconsidering that idea. Perhaps, it's the restlessness in my soul that keeps me wedged between these two emotions. Restlessness is not uninteresting. It's actually a pool of overly saturated colors and mellow guitar riffs. Tonight, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize what I saw there. I thought to myself, what happened to the girl who felt so much and found every thought that entered her head fascinating and original? Even if that wasn't really true, that perspective really turns me on. Somewhere along the way, I threw off my cloak of authenticity and traded it in for something a lot more sober.  I wonder if that's something that inevitably happens to people that life really just knocks the shit out of at some point.

If that's true, it makes me cringe. This life is a lot like love. It can cover over the things that you once thought were so important and objective. It dresses them up like a lovely, young person. Happy, blissful even. Like walking on a cloud. Or through a fog.